What does the expression like a kilogram of lard mean? Funny Jokes Stories Quotes Aphorisms Poems Funny Pictures Games

Lard for salting should be:

Culinary advice

To check the lard for streaks, take a knife and pierce the lard. If the point enters freely, then there are no veins, but if it enters quite rigidly, then it is better to abandon it.

The taste of lard depends on the cooking method. Lard turns out very tasty when using any recipe. It is very difficult to spoil the taste of the product.


Salsa in spices is popular with everyone. It goes perfectly with borscht and is a wonderful addition to lunch and holiday feasts.

For cooking you will need:

  • 2 kilograms of raw lard;
  • 3 liters of cold water;
  • 2 heads of garlic;
  • ground red pepper – 2 teaspoons;
  • 500 grams of table salt (not iodized).

Cooking process:

Place 2 liters of water on the stove, heat it up a little, add salt, stir. Bring the resulting mixture to a boil and turn off.


Take the purchased bacon and cut it into rectangular or square pieces. Place lard in a saucepan.


Pour the resulting brine over the raw bacon until the water completely covers it.


Place on the stove. After the water boils, boil the lard for 20 minutes. Leave to cool. Place half of the finished product in the refrigerator for 24 hours.


After the time has passed, remove the bacon from the water, let it drain, and dry it additionally with kitchen napkins or a towel. Prepare the garlic-pepper mixture. Peel two heads of garlic, wash and press through a garlic press. Mix the resulting gruel with pepper.


Roll each piece of lard in spices and wrap in cling film or foil. Put it in the freezer. Eat a few days after storage.


Take it out of the freezer an hour before eating to let it thaw a little. Have fun!

Lard boiled in onion skins


A special feature of the recipe is the unusual composition of the brine.

To prepare you will need:

  • 1 kilogram of abdominal fat;
  • chopped black pepper – 1 tsp;
  • garlic – 2 heads;
  • bay leaf – 4 pcs.;
  • 2 liters of water;
  • 250 grams of salt;
  • two glasses of onion peel;
  • peppercorns – 6-8 pieces.

Cooking process:

Pour 2 liters of water and place on the stove. Wait until the water boils. Add salt, peppercorns, onion peels and bay leaves to the bubbling liquid. While stirring the brine, boil it for 5-7 minutes. Determining its readiness is very simple. It should turn a rich brown color.


Leave the finished brine for a couple of minutes, and do the lard yourself. Cut the undercut into pieces. The weight of one should not exceed half a kilogram so that it is well saturated with salt. Place the cut lard in boiling brine. After boiling, boil it for 10-15 minutes. Onion peels will add a pleasant smell and color. In appearance, lard is indistinguishable from store-bought lard. Leave to infuse for a day.


Remove the lard from the pan and let the brine drain completely. Prepare spices for coating the bacon. Peel the garlic cloves, wash and pass through a garlic press. Pour ground black pepper and broken bay leaf into the spicy paste and mix the ingredients evenly. Coat the lard on all sides with the resulting spice mixture. After that, wrap it in cling film or foil.


Store in the refrigerator or freezer.


You can eat in a few days.

Lard in a jar in brine


Lard in brine always turns out tasty, even if you have no experience in salting it. One simple recipe is to prepare a snack in a jar.

You will need to take:

  • a kilogram of raw lard 5-10 centimeters thick (preferably with a meat layer);
  • table salt – 150 grams;
  • half a liter of water;
  • a few bay leaves;
  • 3-4 cloves of garlic;
  • half a teaspoon of coriander.

Cooking process:

Pour the specified amount of water into the pan and place it on the stove. As soon as the water boils, add coriander and salt, stir until completely dissolved and you can turn it off. Set the liquid aside to cool.


Cut the lard into oblong pieces so that they fit easily into the neck of the jar. Fill the jar with bacon, topping it with chopped pieces of garlic.


Fill the container with brine until it completely covers the lard. For a more pleasant taste, add a little sugar, half a teaspoon will be enough for this amount of product.


Close the jar with a nylon lid and place it in the refrigerator.


Ready-made lard can be consumed within two days.

On a note!

Lard can be stored in brine and in a cool place for up to six months. Then it begins to “age”.

Dry salting method


You can't imagine a simpler way for pickling. It is also the most common among housewives. To get a liter jar of treats you will need:

  • half a kilo (maybe a little more) of bacon with meat;
  • half a glass of table salt in its pure form, without any impurities;
  • a tablespoon of ground red and black pepper;
  • a teaspoon of paprika;
  • a couple of bay leaves;
  • half a teaspoon of coriander;
  • two heads of garlic.

Cooking process:

Mix paprika, salt, pepper, coriander in a separate bowl.


Peel the garlic and cut into slices. Cut the lard and make small cuts, put garlic in them. Next, roll the pieces on all sides in a bowl with spices.



Place the seasoned snack slices into liter jars, pouring the remaining mixture with salt and spicy spices. Close the lid tightly, you can roll it under the iron.


Take the prepared product to a cold place to soak in spices. Suitable for both refrigerator and cellar. The rolled up snack will be stored for 6-12 months.

You can then wrap the pieces in parchment or a bag and put them in the freezer.



Salted pork belly


The taste of pork belly will not leave anyone indifferent who tastes it at least once. Before cooking, prepare the following ingredients:

  • kilogram of pork belly;
  • 7 large heaped spoons of table salt;
  • Garlic 4 cloves;
  • 3 teaspoons paprika;
  • not a full dessert spoon of ground nutmeg;
  • half a dessert spoon of sugar;
  • half a dessert spoon of coriander;
  • a teaspoon of a mixture of black and red pepper;
  • chopped dried dill (a couple of tablespoons).

Cooking process:

Rinse the purchased brisket and let it dry completely. Cut into two or four pieces, making small cuts on top.


Peel the garlic cloves and cut into strips. Place them into the slits on the bacon. Place the lard in a deep pan and sprinkle it generously with salt.



Place a plate on top of it and put pressure on it. Leave it alone for 24 hours.


The next day, mix all the other spices into a single mixture.


Remove the brisket from the pan and shake off the salt as thoroughly as possible. Put on rubber gloves, take the spice mixture and generously rub the lard on all sides.
Subscribe to our channel in Yandex.Zen!


Khokhol asks:
They explain to him:
- We don’t eat lard.
The Little Russian throws up his hands:

Little Russian came to a Jewish wedding. He drank vodka and began to rummage around the table in search of a piece of lard. There is no sala.
Khokhol asks:
- Listen, guys, where is the lard? ?
They explain to him:
- We don’t eat lard.
The Little Russian throws up his hands:
- No, of course, I understand that lard is sacred. But not to the same extent.

I sold a trunk to a friend in Moscow, he asked me to throw a couple of kilos of smoked lard in there, they don’t have anything like that. I bought it from a neighbor and threw it in.
He picked up the trunk from the train, everything was great. And in the transition to him, the cop’s dogs made a stance. The cops tied him up, dragged him to the duty room to torture him. In the duty room they opened the trunk and found lard. They laughed and let me go

Be careful when transporting lard! There is danger all around.

The guy is constantly being ripped off by the grocery store. You need to eat, but it’s rotten
fish 900 rubles kilogram. Rotten meat 500 rubles kilogram. Genetically modified
potatoes 300 rubles kilogram. Expired cheese without packaging 800 rubles per kilogram.
Water 100 rubles per liter.
The man decided to figure it out. He comes to the gun store. And there is rusty
the rifle costs 100,000 Euros.

***
Well, yes, but a kilogram of fluff is lighter than a kilogram of nails)))
***************************
yes, yes, I also made fun of my dad like that for a little while - until he suggested throwing a kilogram of fluff on top of me and then a kilogram of nails... for comparison, so to speak. This is where I learned Zen)

and:
My mantra: “45 kilograms, I want a weight of 45 kilograms, I want to show graceful collarbones in my cleavage instead of boobs and be able to scratch with my thigh...OMM”

m:
And use the ass as a stiletto for a stealthy murder.

How to lose 5 kilograms?
- according to the law of conservation of matter - no way, but they can be annihilated. Accordingly, it will be enough for you to hit the wall at a speed close to light. in this case, you may lose a few kilograms, which will turn into photons and illuminate this enchanting spectacle

Raul Castro came to Russia and asked for lard with black bread, like
I once ate it during USSR times. In Moscow they answered him: we have black bread
That's enough, but on the issue of lard, contact the Ukrainians. After this Castro went
to Kyiv and asked for lard with black bread. There they answered him: we have lard
full, but on the issue of black bread, contact the Muscovites.

A doctor friend told the story, further in the first person. I'm sitting in
In the resident's room, it's the very beginning of the day, a colleague comes in and is all lit up.
I ask, why are you so happy?
He says that yesterday he arranged for his wife, but I must say that she
worked
in the same hospital, romantic dinner: candles, classical music,
a bottle of sherry, exotic fruits, well, everything is as it should be.
After a while I go to his wife and casually say:
what a good husband you have, we’ve lived for 15 years and he’s still like that
romantic.
She asks in surprise, why did I get this? I answer her that he
told me about yesterday's dinner.
She says: as for me, nothing special, just relatives
They sent me a hot water bottle with moonshine and a couple of kilos of lard, so we drank, ate, and
side!

The State Border Guard Service of Ukraine notes an increase in lard smuggling from Russia

RIA News". 16:28:07

Smuggled lard from Russia is being imported into Ukraine in increasing volumes,
The country's State Border Service reported on Monday.
According to the State Border Service, the latest case of illegal
the movement of Ukrainian “strategic product” across the border had
place in Lugansk region. A young couple of residents were detained there
city ​​of Gorlovka, which was transporting in a UAZ car from the neighboring
Rostov region has more than 700 kg of lard and 36 kg of rendered pork fat.
All illegally imported cargo, as well as the car, were confiscated.
According to Ukrainian border guards, this is already the third since the beginning of the current
year, a case of lard smuggling from Russia in the area of ​​​​Lugansk only
border detachment. In total, border guards seized about
two tons of this original Ukrainian product, the report notes
State Border Services

http://www.utro.ru/news/2006/05/29/552104.shtml

a small, cool piece of lard,
I'll run across your lips
let you bite it a little,
but I'll finish the rest myself...

I’ll fall to the moistly inviting one,
I'll taste it with my tongue...
the same sweetness as lard,
I'll try a little more...

I pressed lightly with the tip of my finger,
sharp and fast as a bullet I was,
whack, and the soul rushed far away,
as soon as the lard entered my throat...

I really liked the poem about lard,
especially funny to read
when she finished...


Method No. 1

The most basic way to salt lard.

We cut the lard into pieces the size of a fist, peel the garlic in advance at the rate of 1 clove per 1 piece of lard.
We cut this garlic into round pieces. We prepare spices - suneli hops, pepper, ground dill seeds or any others you like.
Pour some seasonings, pepper and garlic into the bottom of an enamel pan.
Then we take a piece of lard in our left hand, a handful of coarse salt in our right hand and rub the piece of lard with this salt over the pan.
After this, place the lard in a pan, skin side down, and repeat the operation with another piece of lard, sprinkling everything with spices and garlic. Don't skimp on the salt!

Then we compact the lard a little in a container, cover it with a lid of a smaller diameter or a plate, put a small pressure on top (for example, a 3-liter jar of water) - and leave it in a warm place for 3-4 days.
After this, the lard is almost ready - all that remains is to take it out of the container, shake off the juice, wrap it in a cotton cloth and put it in the refrigerator.

As soon as it freezes, you can enjoy the unique taste.

Method No. 2

Dry salting of lard.

For 1 kg of lard you will need 2-3 heads of garlic, seasonings (coriander, ground red pepper, cumin, garlic, basil, paprika, bay leaf, thyme), salt.

We cut the lard into pieces measuring 10x15 cm, making deep cuts in them every 3-5 cm (until the skin itself).

We season the lard with garlic, rub it with a mixture of seasonings, roll it in salt and place it tightly in layers in an enamel bowl, generously sprinkling each layer with salt (remember that salt will not spoil the lard).

Now put it in a cool place - and in 5 days the lard will be ready.

Method No. 3

Wet salting of lard

Salting lard in brine with onion skins is a very old method. Not only our grandmothers, but, perhaps, our great-great-grandmothers salted lard this way.

It is best to take lard with layers of meat, for example, brisket, since such light cooking is the optimal treatment for meat.

Boil onion peels and seasonings in a saline solution (at the rate of 1 kg of salt per 1 liter of water).

Then reduce the heat, add lard, cut into pieces measuring 10x15 cm, into the brine and cook for 1.5-2 hours.

Take out the pieces, let them cool slightly and rub them with a mixture of crushed garlic, salt and seasonings.

Wrap in cloth and leave for a day at room temperature, then put in the refrigerator.

Here are some more ways to salt lard in onion skins. With this method of salting, lard tastes like smoked lard.

Method number 4

For 2 liters of water you will need a handful of onion peels and 3 tbsp. spoons of salt. Boil the brine and strain.

Place lard (about 2 kg) in this brine, boil for 15 minutes, then remove from heat and leave the lard in the brine for 8-12 hours.

After this time, remove the lard from the brine and rub generously with garlic and black pepper.

Wrap in parchment paper and refrigerate for a day or two. Ready.

If you've done a lot, don't worry. This lard can be stored in the freezer for a long time.

Method No. 5

For 1-1.5 kg of brisket or lard you will need 1 small head of garlic.

For the brine: 1 liter of water, ½ cup of coarse salt, 1 handful of onion peels (from 5-7 onions), if desired, 3 bay leaves, 15 black peppercorns.

Place all the spices, along with salt and onion skins, in a saucepan and add water. Bring to a boil, add lard so that it is covered with brine, boil for 10 minutes.

Remove the pan from the heat and leave in the brine for a day. After the brine has cooled, place the pan in the refrigerator.

Then remove the lard from the brine and let it sit in a plate for 15 minutes to drain off the excess brine. Squeeze the garlic through a press and coat the lard with it on all sides.

Place the lard in the refrigerator for a day. Then transfer to the freezer.

Method number 6

Buy fresh lard. Make cuts down to the skin, salt it with coarse salt and put it in a wide bowl, put pressure on top (you can also use a wide bowl of water or a saucepan).

After a day, transfer all the lard and salt into a saucepan and fill it with water one or two fingers above the lard.

Add all sorts of spices (whatever you like), bay leaves and be sure to have more onion peels (this is what will later give the original color, taste and smell).

All this is cooked for an hour. Then let the contents cool to room temperature.

The lard is taken out of the pan, stuffed (rubbed with crushed) garlic, and peppered (ground red or black pepper) to taste.

It is wrapped in tracing paper (parchment paper, foil), rewound with ordinary thread so that the tracing paper does not unwind, and placed in the freezer.

After a day, the lard is ready for use.

Method No. 7

Spicy lard.

This recipe is for those who don't mind indulging in something spicy. For the brine you will need 7 glasses of water, 1 glass of coarse salt, a handful of onion peels.

Bring all this to a boil, boil for 5 minutes. Then put pieces of lard into the brine (so that the water completely covers them).

Boil for 10-20 minutes (if the pig was old - 20 minutes, if young - 10). Leave in brine for a day.

After this, remove the lard from the brine and let the water drain. Rub with garlic and red pepper.

Place in the refrigerator, preferably in the freezer (it tastes better this way).

Method No. 8

You will need 1 kg of lard, 400 g of salt, onion peels, ground red pepper, garlic and other spices to taste.

Prepare a saline solution (400 grams of salt per 1 liter of boiled water). Add a handful of onion peels to the solution.

Soak 1 kilogram of raw lard (it can be salted in one piece or cut into small pieces) in a saline solution for 12 hours. The lard should be covered with the solution.

After soaking, put on fire and bring to a boil. Boil over low heat for 3 minutes (no more). Allow the lard to cool in the saline solution.

Rub the cooled lard with salt (a small amount), garlic and ground red pepper. Allow the lard to soak in the spices and it’s ready to eat.

Method number 9

Lard in tuzluk brine.

Lard prepared in this way does not age, does not turn yellow and is stored for a long time, maintaining excellent taste.

To salt 2 kg of lard, prepare a brine: 5 glasses of water will require 1 glass of salt. Boil the brine and cool to room temperature.

In the meantime, cut the lard into small pieces (to make it easier to get out) and place it loosely in a 3-liter jar, adding 3-5 bay leaves, black peppercorns, and 5-8 cloves of garlic between the layers.

Fill with brine and cover loosely with a lid. We will keep it in the room for a week (it will be ready to eat), then we will take it out into the cold.

Typically, such a container (3-liter jar) requires no more than 2 kg of lard. The main thing is not to pack the pieces very tightly into the jar, otherwise the lard will simply “suffocate.”

Method No. 10

Lard with garlic

We take fresh lard with a soft skin, even better if it has meat streaks. We cut it into pieces measuring 5x10 cm. Rub it generously with salt.

Place tightly in one layer in an enamel bowl. Cut 5-7 large cloves of garlic into slices (not too finely).

Sprinkle so that the lard is evenly processed. Sprinkle with ground black allspice (1 teaspoon per layer).

Then we lay, if necessary, a second layer, etc., depending on the amount of lard that we salt.

Cover the dishes with a plate that fits tightly into the pan (as if under pressure). And leave it alone at room temperature for about 2 days.

On the second day you will already smell it! But it’s better to let it sit for another day. Then remove the lard from the saucepan. We wrap the pieces of lard separately in paper.

Leave the garlic that was in the pan along with the lard with it. It is better to store pieces of lard wrapped in a canvas or cellophane bag in the freezer.

Method No. 11

Water is boiled with bay leaf, black peppercorns, dill and salt. Salt is taken in such an amount that a raw egg or potato placed in the solution does not sink.

Grated garlic and lard, cut into bars 4 cm wide and 20-25 cm long, are dipped into the cooled brine. The product is ready for use in about a week.

Before use, remove the lard from the brine, dry it with a napkin and place it in the refrigerator for 2-3 hours.

With this method of salting, lard retains its “fresh” taste throughout the entire storage period.

Bon appetit!